My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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