Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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