I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
