my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize