A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
