porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
