does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
