he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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