If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
