yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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