she was so not down for the gang bang
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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