Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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