butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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