I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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