I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just pee around me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Randomize
