Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
