What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
im six kinds of drunk right now
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize