zippers are such a cool invention
I wish you could order shots online.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
