then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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