I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
