Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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