Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
