I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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