im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
