wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
