Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
