5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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