weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize