he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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