I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
