I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
