dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
