My sheets look like a crime scene.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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