I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
