Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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