I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
