it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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