a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
