Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
