Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
