I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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