$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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