We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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