When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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