I will die if light touches me.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
