my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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