Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
