I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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