Acid is not a monday night drug
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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