Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
