They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
