The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
