What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
