Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
