So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
