you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
