help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
