Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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