The best revenge is premature balding
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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